Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize