How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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