she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
