I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
