I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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