1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
