I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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