you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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