i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
do herpes really smell.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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