we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
