U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
