youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
