Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
