Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize