just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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