:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
