i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
