Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
