Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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