god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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