Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
