She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
