Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize