just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
