I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
