Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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