"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I want to have your abortion
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
