Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
