Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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