were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
