i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
