i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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