You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
