I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
