good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
