I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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