yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
