Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
They took my balls.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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