I think I am morally bankrupt
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
