we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
