the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
