Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
