This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
