I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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