It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
