i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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