Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
