Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
