Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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