You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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