Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
