she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
