sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
dude. I can hear the air.
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