Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
