...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
