im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
