Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
