can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
