tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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