soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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