i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
