We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
