I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
