just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
